Dear Professor Ayers:
I have two children, ages 11 and 14, and I am interested in setting up an Illinois educational savings account for pay for their college expenses. Can these savings accounts be used for private or out-of state colleges? What are the relevant tax and eligibility rules I should consider?
Mary Ellen in Lombard
Dear Mary Ellen: Your question is borne of bourgeois ignorance and manufactured consent. A violent revolution is coming, and the workers will throw off the chains of their oppression and rise up in a bloody revolt against AmeriKKKa’s legacy of racism, genocide, and hegemonic corporatist empire. In the coming revolution, the state and its propagandist education apparatus will wither away, thus ushering in a new age of proletarian enlightenment. All education will be free, and all children, including yours, will be rescued from their bourgeois shackles and freed to join the vanguard for permanent revolution.
But if this doesn’t happen by their sophomore year in high school, you might want to check some of the scholarship programs at UIC. We have over two dozen government financial aid packages right here in the UIC College of Education. Go Flames!
There isn’t a whole lot of good news out there for conservatives right now (apart from Sarah, of course), so it’s nice to have Iowahawk on our side, providing smart comedy.
If you have tips, questions, comments or suggestions, email me at email@example.com.